It’s not always easy to know where to start something, especially when whoever (might?) be reading knows nothing at all. So lets start with a summary of where/who I am right now:
- I’m 44 and happily married
- I was born biologically female
- I’m transgender
The realisation that I am trans began a few years ago and I even blogged about it, amongst other things. But I never really said it. I talked about packing and binding and being a gentleman but didn’t get to the point where I would admit being trans. Then a little over a year ago I stopped writing and started doing an impression of an ostrich. I stuck my head firmly in the sand.
On a few occasions I managed to get my head out of the sand long enough to do something constructive. I went to the doctor and asked for a referral then tried to pretend it hadn’t happened. I attended the appointment at the local mental health team that was the result of my visit to the doctor. I answered all the questions and then refused to think about it. When the appointment for the psychiatrist came through I went and answered all the questions again then was almost relieved that I would have to wait several months before the next step.
I did anything I could to distract my mind and thoughts from anything to do with being trans but then a few weeks ago I had my first appointment at Charing Cross Gender clinic. And I’ve stopped behaving like an ostrich because I now realise it’s not going away. Somehow, despite my own best efforts at ignoring and denying the bleeding obvious (and because I’ve got a very patient wife) I have got to the point where there is a very real possibility of transitioning. Now I’m at that point I don’t want to behave like an ostrich any more because I’m realising that something important to me, something I’ve probably wanted deep down my whole life, something that will make me who I want to be, is actually within reach.